GT Journal - Day Three***

***am considering making journal entries private rather than published, but am torn between sharing the journey (journey-journal) and keeping the daily data separate from the Grand Tour information and discoveries by “hiding it.”  feedback welcome***

SETTING

I’m not sure when this item will change.  I don’t own a laptop, so I’m likely to always be at my desk.  How has the landscape of my desk changed?  I’ve moved all the real estate paperwork downstairs to the dining room table, so it isn’t always present to cause me stress.  The room is a little chilly.  I have a halogen lamp on.  The office window is covered with a burlap drop-cloth that I used to use under my easel before moving here.  I’m wearing black capri pants, socks with kitten heads on them, and two purple shirts.

WEATHER

Another lovely day with highs in the 70s.  Windows open during the day.  Saw the almost-full moon appear above the mountains in the clear blue sky on my evening walk.  It’s currently dark, 45 degrees and nearing midnight.  I can often see the moon through the bathroom skylight.

FEELINGS

I have mixed feelings today.  I got a lot done, but not everything that needed to be done.  I’ve always had anxiety around pending tasks, which is why I got As in school–I couldn’t leave homework undone.  It would hound me.  Intellectually I know that there is always more to be done than can be done, but a part of me wishes to be “finished so I can play.”  Ha!  That’s a trap.  There is no finished….only times when I decide to work and times when I decide to play.  So I feel both accomplished and dissatisfied at the same time.

EVENTS

• J and I sat down and signed all the escrow papers and disclosures today.  We also went through the loan paperwork.
• We played Guitar Hero 2 together until our hands cramped
• We went for a walk and talked about our future.  We also discussed the miracles we take for granted–garbage pickup, running water, sewage system
• Decorated house for the holidays (no tree, but lots of lights and ornaments)
• Tour entries
• Mixed fresh nectar for the hummingbird feeder using boiling hot water.  Put nectar in freezer to cool, but forgot it there and it FROZE SOLID.  Took hours to thaw on the counter.  I’m lucky the measuring cup didn’t break.

MOOD

I feel a bit grumpy that I had to wait until the end of the day to work on my tour fun.  I’m also amused at my grumpiness because I was stewing on my assignments all day!  I didn’t even *know* what I was going to do until I started doing the tasks.  I’m disappointed that I still get so impatient with my process when the process works fine. 

CREATIVE

http://www.flickr.com/photos/20868483@N00/313728846/

INSIGHTS

Tick-tock the crocodile is NOT at my heels.

IMPACT

Mind — anxiety prevents me both from learning and from wanting to learn more

Soul — has been too hungry lately and may be bingeing now–keep an eye out

Spirit — have been neglecting sitting meditation.  why?

DREAMS

I’m in the garage doing laundry.  My parents are there.  I’m about to leave on a trip.  I’ve finished folding the clothes and they are in incredibly neat stacks all around the garage.  A young man is sitting on the couch and my mom asks him if he is divorced.  He admits that he is, and says that I also knew immediately that he was divorced.  My mother tells him that we are observant.  I try to apologize for knowing more than I’m told, but my father tells me that I know better, that people enjoy being seen.  I go outside to the curb with my parents.  We are looking at four bags of garbage waiting for pickup.  My dad opens the second bag.  Inside is a nativity scene I’ve thrown away.  I’m embarrassed because I have been trying to simplify my life and get rid of possessions, become more organized.  I hadn’t wanted my parents to see that I’d thrown out something they had given me.  They are both quiet, but then my mom says it is okay.  I know they are hurt but that they are also supportive of me even when they don’t understand why I have made the choices that I have.  I offer to retrieve the nativity set.  My mom mentions that they got it when my uncle got cancer.  I find myself wanting the set back.

DREAM THOUGHT

I have let the pressures of life prevent me from celebrating the holidays and connecting with family.  While it is important to be organized and live my life, I need to be careful not to throw out aspects of my life that may have much to offer.  As a result of this dream, I decided to decorate the house for the holidays today even though we are likely going to move shortly after Christmas.